Doctor Hannah

It's been a busy week in the Heuiser-Lynn household as both girls have been sick and we made more than our fair share of visits to the doctor's office.

Before each visit, I would spend an indefinite amount of time explaining to Hannah what the doctor would do to either her or Adelaide (whichever one was the Patient of the Day), and Hannah would watch me so intensely as I would explain what parts of her body the doctor would look at, what tools may be used and what questions she may be asked. I can only hope she'll prepare for her SATs with the same amount of diligence!

So when it was time for the actual doctor visit, Hannah sat stone still as the doctor performed her examination and she promptly and thoroughly answered each question that was asked of her.

"Well, aren't you comely," the doctor said when she had finished.

Hannah shot me a confused sort of look, but I couldn't pull the words together to explain what "comely" meant as I was confused myself. Could this really be the same child who just spent 1.5 hours fighting with me earlier that morning about whether or not she liked cheese? (As you can imagine ... it was mostly an argument with herself, as who am I to say what she likes and doesn't like!) Brick wall ... meet Hannah!

When it was clear that the doctor was getting ready to leave the room, the lack of a climax to the visit was apparent in Hannah's eyes. Clearly the doctor had forgotten something as we were only in the room for a mere 5 minutes! So, Hannah took it upon herself to fill in the blanks, and take up more of that precious doctor/patient time. Just as she was closing the door, Hannah blurted out:

"My mom says when we're sick, we need to drink lots of water because it washes out the insides of our bodies. But we don't drink soapy water - that's yucky and it could make us sick. Germs make us sick, too. We don't like germs so much."

"That's right," chuckles the doctor. "Umm ... drink lots of fluids and you'll be better in no time."

We had a similar anti-climatic end at Adelaide's visit a few days later, and Hannah rushed to remind the "negligent" doctor before he closed the door that he had forgotten to tell Adelaide to sleep a lot so she could get better.

"Oh ... yes, you're right! She does need to sleep a lot. Thank you, Hannah. Adelaide is lucky to have you looking out for her."

Hannah took a long, deep sigh and replied, "Yeah, I know."

As the doctor was closing the door, he must have flipped through the charts and noticed that Hannah had been in recently, too.

"I see that you were a little under the weather as well, Hannah," he says as he pokes his head back in the room. "You should try to get in some extra long naps, too. Goodbye now!"

The door behind him closed just in time as laser beams shot out of Hannah's eyes. But she quickly composed herself, then turned to me and said, "He's a silly doctor! He doesn't even know naps are for babies!"

Our Very Strong Day

I am one of the few who truly love Minnesota winters. But yesterday definitely put that love to the test. After dropping Hannah off at school, I couldn't get our car up our slippery driveway and into the garage. After a few failed attempts, I then couldn't get our car back down our driveway either. So, there our car sat at a lovely 45 degree angle, smack dab in the middle of the driveway. At the very top of the driveway, I sat, busily cursing the car, our heinously-sloped driveway, the ice and snow covering the damn driveway, our lack of a snow blower, and inevitably ... all things related to Minnesota winters.

But once Addi had woken up from her nap and I had finished giving the ski slope a quick shovel, things started looking up. Still, the only way I could figure out how to get the car off the driveway was to push it down. And the only way to push it down (as far as I could tell) was to be in front of the car. This would leave no one to steer or hit the brakes if oncoming traffic or small children came down the street while our car came barreling down the driveway. I didn't like this part of the plan so much.

Nonetheless, our task began. From her perch on top of a snowbank, I was hoping Addi could give me a heads up as to when cars were coming down the road, as she loves to wave and say "hi" to every one as they pass by our house. Surely she wouldn't fail me now!

Well, that didn't really pan out, but she was the best cheerleader anyone could ask for. Each time I grunted and groaned as I shoved, she also let out her best grunts (which are usually saved for taking those pesky caps off markers) and she would clap and squeal every time I slipped and fell flat on my face. I should have sold tickets!

In the end ... the car made its way to the street, and after throwing some pine needles and such down for traction, we are back in business! When I was telling Hannah of our adventures, she was truly amazed. "But Mama, the car is so heavy. How did you do that? You must have eaten lots of good things in order to be so strong! I want to be strong - can I push a car too?"

Hmmm. Eating good things = strong girls. I couldn't have asked for a better moral of the story! And while you all know pushing our car down the driveway wasn't that great of a feat since we have a relatively small car and our driveway would be better suited as an Olympic ski jump, don't tell Hannah! I'm looking forward to argument-free meals so she can grow up big and strong!

The Most PC Letter to Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, the girls were rambunctious, and so was my spouse!

In an effort to take a little breather, I tried to rope in Hannah to write a letter to Santa. I thought it would be a quick request for the pink puppy dog she had been talking about for weeks and then she'd quickly zip back to running laps around our living room. But I ended up dictating the most politically correct letter Santa has probably ever received!

Dear Santa,
I hope you like the cookies - I made the pink candy cane ones! But be careful coming down our chimney - we put lights up so you could see, but try not to trip on them and get all tangled up. And don't eat the carrots, they are for the reindeer. Can you take them up the chimney with you and give them to your reindeer so they won't get hungry? Our roof is so slippery, I didn't want them to fall. And Mom says we can't have reindeer in the house or Penny would get scared. We have toys on the floor by the chimney, too. Don't trip on them!

With a little coaxing from me, she somewhat focused:

I've tried to be a good girl this year. Adelaide has, too ... but sometimes she doesn't know any better. She's still little (she says while doing a little shoulder shrug). All I want for Christmas is a pink puppy dog if you can find it. I drew a picture of it on the front. If not, can I be a fairy? Adelaide just wants kisses from me. Oh, and chocolate!

Thanks, Santa! I hope you have a safe trip back to the North Pole! Remember, don't trip on our lights! It's slippery out there!

Love, Hannah

Musical Discord

Josh Grobin's Christmas CD has finally returned to our listening repertoire these past few days. Each time we listen to it, everything turns positively lovely in our house. Hannah flutters around the living room to Josh's majestic Glorias and Ave Marias. Adelaide climbs up in my lap and snuggles in as he sings "Silent Night," and I even say a few Hallelujahs of my own as our little world becomes a picture of peace.

But ... then Jeff comes home, and the magical trance is instantly shattered. ;)

"UGH! Not that whiny Josh guy again," he moans even before taking his coat off.

It's no secret Jeff doesn't fully appreciate Josh. When I was pregnant with Hannah and felt her kick for the first time while listening to Josh's "Oh, Holy Night," Jeff argued it was only because I was blaring the song too loud and she was simply trying to get away from "all that racket." His disgust for Josh's music is really apparent when we're all in the car together and Hannah asks for her favorite song (which is one of Josh's). Ten seconds into it, and Jeff is all but clawing at the window like a caged animal.

"You can't even understand what he's saying - he's just moaning!"
"Umm ... that would be because this song is in Latin."
(more groaning by Jeff)

Music is an age-old battle in our house. I have always tried to flood the girls with what I think is quality music, and Jeff wants to drown the girls in selections from Tool, Metallica and other jarring selections. One would think that since the girls spend more time with me, their tastes would reflect mine. Yet, I still find myself in sticky situations when Hannah starts reciting Aerosmith lyrics, and Adelaide can shake that tiny little booty of hers to Cowboy Mouth like nobody's business.

Oddly enough, when it comes to real children's music, Jeff has more patience for it than I do. I can take the Wiggles, Justin Roberts and a few others in small doses, but Jeff will turn to musical groups made up of all children and listen to it with the girls for what seems like hours. I last a mere 5 minutes before I remember I needed to start laundry or scrub a toilet.

So where does this leave Hannah and Adelaide in all of this musical mishmash? Well, the girls and I have officially become Closet Josh Lovers. If we're listening to him right before Jeff comes home from work, Hannah will drop whatever she's doing and sprint to the stereo to turn it off at the first sound of the garage door opening. And now that the cold weather doesn't allow us to go outside very much, dancing has become our No. 1 pastime after dinner each night ... and even I have to admit, Aerosmith has one funky beat! And I can't help but like them when they cause the girls to giggle so much!

So if you know of any fun (but still tasteful!) bands out there that we might all be able to agree on, let me know! It looks like it may be another long winter filled with a medley of musical disputes!

Hannah Votes!

I took Hannah and Addi with me to vote today (despite the fact that I swore I would never vote again due to being called to Jury Duty next week) and it put voting for elections in a whole new light.

Our ballots, when viewed by a 3-year-old, are rather dull looking.

"Mommy, the names all look the same. How do you know which person to vote for? None of them have fancy writing."

Maybe she's onto something. Campaign managers should lobby to allow their candidates' names being written in glitter on the ballot to glam it up a bit. They'd get Hannah's vote!

"Mommy, what color of marker are you going to use to color in the circles? Why don't they have more colors than black? Can I draw on that piece of paper?"

On the way out, she told one of the election judges they needed to go to the store. "You only have black markers left!"

It also takes entirely too long to vote for all those positions.

"Mommy ... you already filled in a circle. Let's go get our sticker. I'm done already."

In the end, Hannah grudgingly used the monotonous black pen to fill in the circle next to Candidate H on the kid's ballot. She was relieved her ballot was at least printed on yellow paper. Still no glitter, but at least there was color!

The Bright Side of an Ear Infection

It dawned on me that Daylight Savings Time is just around the corner, and if things kept moving in the direction they have been lately, the girls would never be awake to see Jeff Monday through Friday. As it is, they have an early bedtime of 7 or 7:30, but there are days when we can barely make it to 6:30. No matter what we do to try to push it back, the girls push harder. Neither one of them is a fan of sleeping in, and we already fall FAR short of those stats on how many hours of sleep each one is supposed to get according to their age, so we just take what we can get.

But just when I had given up hope, Addi got an ear infection. While I was cursing the fact that my baby was sick, the sugar from her antibiotics and pain relievers sends her running laps around our kitchen at 8:30 at night!

What's more, the ear infection may have actually gotten two birds with one stone. Verdict's still out, but as of tonight, she doesn't want to nurse, so we may have pushed back bedtime AND weened all at the same time! As for Hannah, she will be an easy one to keep up later. If she knows Addi is awake, there's not a force in the world strong enough to make her go to bed first!

Even an ear infection can be positive!

Fire Safety Lessons from Hannah

It was Fire Safety Week at Hannah's nursery school last week. From songs about how you need to "stop, drop and roll," to art projects centered on fire safety, they covered it all, apparently. They ended the week with a visit from a local fire fighter, who let them climb aboard the truck, try on some gear, etc. John the Fireman even proclaimed all the kids Smoke Detector Inspectors, complete with a shiny gold sticker badge. The sticker was the highlight of Hannah's day! But it wasn't until today that I realized just how serious Hannah took her new job title.

I was getting ready to start lunch, but wasn't at the stove for more than 30 seconds before Hannah jumps up and runs over to me and begins the following conversation at a very loud decibel level.

H: MA MA, WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!

Me: (gasp!) WHAT? What's wrong, Hannah?!

H: WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT - FIRE, FIRE!

Me: Oh Dear God!

(lots of arm flailing done by me)

Me: Wait ... what? Hannah, what are you talking about?

H: FIRE, FIRE!

Me: Hannah, there is no fire - please stop yelling!

H: But I'm a smoke defector ... FIRE! FIRE!

Me: (suppressed giggle) Do you mean a Smoke Detector Inspector?

H: That's what I said, Mom.

(brief pause as she seemingly scans the premises - looking for something. Anything. Then, suddenly ...)

H: WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT!!

Me: Hannah, you have got to stop yelling. There isn't even any smoke. Well, not yet anyway.

H: But you're cooking, Ma Ma!

(Now ... being that she's only 3 and may not completely understand what she's implying with that comment, I let it slide. Or maybe she did know what she was saying! Either way, I chose the high road ...)

Me: Hannah, there is no fire. The stove is hot, you're right. But there is no fire. It's OK ...

I was cut off. Hannah pulled me away from the stove with all her might and blurted out:

JUST STOP DROP AND ROLL, MA MA!!!

I'm trying not to take it personally! :)

Arithmetic for Babies

3 minus 1 does not equal 5. It also does not equal 6, or 7 or 8 for that matter.

I've been trying to explain this magical equation to Adelaide in hopes that we can cut back on the number of times she nurses a day. But, apparently subtraction is a bit too advanced for an 11-month-old. So rather than simply subtracting the afternoon time, she thinks we should add 3 or 4 more times in the middle of the night to help bring the answer back to its original sum. Can you say backfire? :)

But we are having some rather wild and crazy afternoons in an effort to distract her. I have learned that it's best not to sit down with her from 11:30 a.m. to 7 p.m., or she rears back so she's lying down in my lap and starts flailing about so I am forced to pull her in close so she doesn't fall. Lesson #1: Close proximity = bad idea.

Her determination is admirable, however. She has begun to pick up a flare for drama, thanks to her older sister, so if she falls down or I take a toy out of her mouth, Adelaide can stick out her lip and have her eyes brimming with tears before she's even turned around to look at you. Yesterday, she thought she'd try throwing herself on the floor and burying her head in her hands while weeping. She was so convincing, I think she had Hannah taking notes. Lesson #2: Two dramatic girls in one house = one exhausted mom.

Needless to say, our household needs to work on our math. Addition is apparently easier than subtraction, for there are days when 3-1 = 4 and others when 3-1 = 7. But mostly, 3-1 = 3. Those studies you hear on the news about math scores dropping across the country must start at such an early age. It has to be her teachers, like all those well-informed parents tell Anderson Cooper or Amelia Santaniello. Oh wait ... I can't use that excuse yet! :)

Alas, she's due to wake up from her nap any moment now, so the art of distraction is about to begin. I wonder what equation we'll come up with today!