Sweeping Up

Whoever it was who first switched the phrase to "One step forward, two steps back," had to have been referring to trying to get something done while in the presence of a child. When there are two children present, naturally the phrase morphs again into "One step forward, 10 steps back."

Our house is proof of this 10-step backwards theory. These past couple of months, our house has become rather neglected, really missing that hour and a half a couple of times a week when Hannah was at preschool and Addi was napping. At the time, I never felt like I got that much done, but of course NONE of that is getting done now, and the mess has taken on a life of its own! Add a few construction projects into the mix, and our house resembles a war zone most days.

So, on this fine morning ... I thought a quick sweeping of the outside patio could stop the vast amount of leaves and mud being tracked in through our downstairs, and one small battle could be won.

And so the task began.

The girls were happily digging in the sandbox, so I slipped away and picked up the broom. By the time I had turned around, both of them were already staring back at me.

"Where are you going? Are you getting a snack, Mom?" Hannah asks hopefully.
"No, I was just going to sweep the patio real quick. You keep playing in the sandbox, I'm right here."

Even as the last few words were spilling out of my mouth, Addi was already making her way toward me.

"Oh, good idea, Addi! We can help, too!" exclaims Hannah.
"No, no. As lovely as that sounds, I only have one broom. Why don't you go on the teeter totter? I'll be done in just a minute."

It seemed so simple. They were happily playing. I just needed 5 minutes, a mere 10 feet away!

After having to place them on the teeter totter myself, I make my way back to the patio. Broom in hand, I take my second swipe.

"Can we swing?"
"No. I can't sweep under you while you guys are swinging."

Another five minutes later and after retrieving a snack as a peace offering, I begin again.

"Ma Ma, I just want you to play catch with me. Pllleeeeaaaasssseeeee."

(sigh) Another 10 minutes and 15 arguments later, I set to work ... yet again, only to hear:

"Mom, Addi says she needs to go potty."

#$$#^$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After all of that is taken care of and even more toys are dragged out onto the grass, I find myself back again on the patio, trying in vain to get the last few feet swept before the girls' pleading turns to screaming. So, broom in one hand, T-ball bat in the other, I find I can make progress while the girls chase the ball around the yard. It seems to be going well, I'm even half way done in just 4 hits! Then, as luck would have it, the girls got sidetracked by a bug in the yard, and were crouched down watching it in awe. HA! Peace!

Sweeping like a mad woman while I had the chance, I had a big pile of dirt scooped up in the dust pan, ready to dump when Hannah comes bounding toward me. "MOM! LOOK!" she says as she opens her hand. I had figured it was some sort of beetle, caterpillar or those tiny moths they generally find in the yard. Hannah thrusts her tiny fist in my face and I find myself eye to bazillion-eyes with a spider. A quite large spider at that. I couldn't help myself, I screamed and the dust pan went flying over my head.

After I caught my balance, I could see Hannah and Adelaide's faces through the dust cloud that was settling. Mouths open and eyes wide, they looked as shocked as I did a few seconds earlier.

"Ma Ma?? Why did you scream? Did the spider bite you? What's wrong?"

(groan). I knew I'd been made. And with this fateful step, my 10 negative steps were now complete:

10) Thanks to the sticky sunscreen the girls had on and the dirt I threw 10 feet in the air, the girls are now dirtier than I've seen them in a while (which says a LOT!)
9) The infamous spider has still not been found. While the search may provide a few days of entertainment for the girls, my nights will be heavy with nightmares.
8) I must have swept that patio 3 or 4 times, yet I have nothing to show for it.
7) In my effort to distract the girls for a mere 10 minutes, I spent 20 minutes cleaning up the toys I put out to help.
6) The girls now know the truth I've been hiding for 4 years now - I am deathly afraid of spiders!
5) I have little to no hope that my chances of sweeping the patio tomorrow will be any better.
4) My other battle plan for the day (trying to convince everyone that we can have one big pile of clean laundry that we can dive into each morning and wear whatever sticks to us) is failing, so it doesn't look like there is a light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon.
3) I was actually serious about #4.
2) Another construction project starts tomorrow - it can only get better, right?
1) Hannah has already begun her lessons to help me rid my fear of spiders. "There's nothing scary about them, Mom. Look ... see, even Adelaide likes to hold them!" AAAHHH!