Sweeping Up

Whoever it was who first switched the phrase to "One step forward, two steps back," had to have been referring to trying to get something done while in the presence of a child. When there are two children present, naturally the phrase morphs again into "One step forward, 10 steps back."

Our house is proof of this 10-step backwards theory. These past couple of months, our house has become rather neglected, really missing that hour and a half a couple of times a week when Hannah was at preschool and Addi was napping. At the time, I never felt like I got that much done, but of course NONE of that is getting done now, and the mess has taken on a life of its own! Add a few construction projects into the mix, and our house resembles a war zone most days.

So, on this fine morning ... I thought a quick sweeping of the outside patio could stop the vast amount of leaves and mud being tracked in through our downstairs, and one small battle could be won.

And so the task began.

The girls were happily digging in the sandbox, so I slipped away and picked up the broom. By the time I had turned around, both of them were already staring back at me.

"Where are you going? Are you getting a snack, Mom?" Hannah asks hopefully.
"No, I was just going to sweep the patio real quick. You keep playing in the sandbox, I'm right here."

Even as the last few words were spilling out of my mouth, Addi was already making her way toward me.

"Oh, good idea, Addi! We can help, too!" exclaims Hannah.
"No, no. As lovely as that sounds, I only have one broom. Why don't you go on the teeter totter? I'll be done in just a minute."

It seemed so simple. They were happily playing. I just needed 5 minutes, a mere 10 feet away!

After having to place them on the teeter totter myself, I make my way back to the patio. Broom in hand, I take my second swipe.

"Can we swing?"
"No. I can't sweep under you while you guys are swinging."

Another five minutes later and after retrieving a snack as a peace offering, I begin again.

"Ma Ma, I just want you to play catch with me. Pllleeeeaaaasssseeeee."

(sigh) Another 10 minutes and 15 arguments later, I set to work ... yet again, only to hear:

"Mom, Addi says she needs to go potty."

#$$#^$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After all of that is taken care of and even more toys are dragged out onto the grass, I find myself back again on the patio, trying in vain to get the last few feet swept before the girls' pleading turns to screaming. So, broom in one hand, T-ball bat in the other, I find I can make progress while the girls chase the ball around the yard. It seems to be going well, I'm even half way done in just 4 hits! Then, as luck would have it, the girls got sidetracked by a bug in the yard, and were crouched down watching it in awe. HA! Peace!

Sweeping like a mad woman while I had the chance, I had a big pile of dirt scooped up in the dust pan, ready to dump when Hannah comes bounding toward me. "MOM! LOOK!" she says as she opens her hand. I had figured it was some sort of beetle, caterpillar or those tiny moths they generally find in the yard. Hannah thrusts her tiny fist in my face and I find myself eye to bazillion-eyes with a spider. A quite large spider at that. I couldn't help myself, I screamed and the dust pan went flying over my head.

After I caught my balance, I could see Hannah and Adelaide's faces through the dust cloud that was settling. Mouths open and eyes wide, they looked as shocked as I did a few seconds earlier.

"Ma Ma?? Why did you scream? Did the spider bite you? What's wrong?"

(groan). I knew I'd been made. And with this fateful step, my 10 negative steps were now complete:

10) Thanks to the sticky sunscreen the girls had on and the dirt I threw 10 feet in the air, the girls are now dirtier than I've seen them in a while (which says a LOT!)
9) The infamous spider has still not been found. While the search may provide a few days of entertainment for the girls, my nights will be heavy with nightmares.
8) I must have swept that patio 3 or 4 times, yet I have nothing to show for it.
7) In my effort to distract the girls for a mere 10 minutes, I spent 20 minutes cleaning up the toys I put out to help.
6) The girls now know the truth I've been hiding for 4 years now - I am deathly afraid of spiders!
5) I have little to no hope that my chances of sweeping the patio tomorrow will be any better.
4) My other battle plan for the day (trying to convince everyone that we can have one big pile of clean laundry that we can dive into each morning and wear whatever sticks to us) is failing, so it doesn't look like there is a light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon.
3) I was actually serious about #4.
2) Another construction project starts tomorrow - it can only get better, right?
1) Hannah has already begun her lessons to help me rid my fear of spiders. "There's nothing scary about them, Mom. Look ... see, even Adelaide likes to hold them!" AAAHHH!

What? No Entomology in Kindergarten?!

Hannah and Adelaide had a little slice of heaven earlier this week. They were able to meet an entomologist and visit her garden, which was specifically designed to attract a variety of insects. The girls couldn't have been more in their element, and it was so wonderful to have a tour guide along for the ride! Between helping Margot the Bug Lady pick up rocks to see what creepy crawlies they could find hiding underneath and running over to see what Margot had spotted under a leaf, the girls couldn't have been happier.

Margot made such an impression on Hannah, that every plant in our yard and garden has since been heavily scrutinized, wondering if this is the perfect plant to attract even more bugs to our yard. Even the purple flowers Hannah picked out this spring (and assured me she could not live without) received a very disapproving look after learning that they may not be a bee's favorite type of flower. "Why do we even have these in our yard?!" she exclaimed! "We need to grow different flowers, Ma Ma!" (I actually thought she was about to yank them up root and all she was so disgusted with the thought of them wasting valuable space!)

When I mentioned that the reason Margot knew so much about insects was because she had gone to school to become an entomologist, Hannah was ecstatic.

"I can't wait until I go to school," she says while jumping up and down. "Then I can know all about bugs, just like Margot!"

"Well, sadly, Kindergarten doesn't really focus on bugs so much. You have to be a little older and go to a different kind of school in order to be an entomologist," I said.

"When can I go to that school? Like when I'm 7? Or when I'm 8?"

"Well, it will be a while. You'll be almost grown up before you can go to this kind of school."

Hannah stared at me blankly, not fully understanding why she had to wait to study the things she loved most ... or maybe she was confused as to why she would still be going to school after the age of 8 - after all, you are practically a grown up at 8! Disheartened, she crouched back down in the grass and continued her search for more insects. After a bit, she popped back up and said in a rather disgusted tone, "If I don't learn about bugs when I go to school, what DO I learn?"

Up until this point, Hannah has been SO excited to go to school, this change of heart kind of caught me off guard. I rattled off things like learning how to read, learning how things work and why and studying different parts of the world ... but I might as well have been talking to all of her treasured beetles and mosquitoes she was lugging around in her bug house. Clearly this was not an impressive list in her view. So I trudged on ...

"You'll also learn lots of fun songs to sing, make new friends ..."

I wasn't making any headway with these items either. It wasn't long before Hannah had turned her full attention back on the grass and all of its tiny inhabitants.

Then it hit me. "Ooh! AND ... you'll do lots of fun art projects!" Surely art had to change her mind and get her back to being excited about going to school! If anything competes with bugs, it's art. Personally, I think it's whatever gets her messy!

But even with the promise of brand new art projects, Hannah remained silent and kept poking a stick in and out of the blades of grass. After a few minutes, she stood up, placed her hands on her hips and said, "How about I go to school to learn how to read so I can read books about bugs all by myself, and then I'll go to school with Margot."

Relieved the education system hadn't disappointed her completely, I agreed that was a very good idea indeed.

Now, if only she were a bit taller so she could reach those spiders on the ceiling for me - that would be my little slice of heaven!

Here's to hoping she learns a few more things along the way, and in another 15+ years, she follows her dream of becoming an entomologist! In the interim, we're trying our hand at raising eight Cecropia caterpillars we got from Margot. They will turn into gigantic, beautiful moths next spring. This now brings our pet list (not including our snails, slugs, ladybugs and other joyous creatures we keep housed outside) up to 13, and Hannah and Addi are plotting for more each and every day. The feeding schedule alone somewhat terrifies me if we go any further! ;)

Happy bug hunting!

Shoe Shopping with a Bunny

Springtime is definitely Hannah's favorite time of the year. All of her most treasured things return to life and her days are spent stalking bugs and talking to mounds of dirt, asking them when the flowers will start blooming.

Our backyard is riddled with tupperware "treasure chests" housing bugs that didn't make it through the winter, yet still have a leg or wing that moves in the wind, which is all it takes to convince Hannah that it's still alive! But the thing Hannah is most fascinated with is the thought of holding a baby bunny, and nothing I say can convince her that it wouldn't be in the bunny's best interest if she were to pick one up. "I'll be SO gentle with it Ma Ma, and I can put lotion on my hands so it wouldn't smell me. That's a good idea, huh?!"

Her fascination with all things small easily passes over into her own life. For the most part, it's a lot of fun. One morning she'll emerge from her room wearing butterfly wings and exclaiming that she broke open her cocoon while she slept! And, sure enough, her bed sheets are thrown all about her room as part of her transformation! The best afternoons are spent fishing for worms in puddles and trying in vain to make mud angels in the muck every time my back is turned.

However, there have been a few times when the animal/insect world has melded with our own in a way that isn't quite so magical. At breakfast the other day, Hannah was trying to convince Adelaide to pretend to be a baby bird. Being that I hadn't quite finished my cup of coffee yet, I didn't see where this was all going until Hannah started to spit out her chewed up toast in front of Adelaide and was instructing her baby sister to eat it. "Come on Baby Bird ... EAT IT! Hee heee hee!!" Ugh.

Well, with all this puddle jumping and mud wallowing, the girls were in need of some new shoes. Hannah has some strange aversion to trying on shoes, but the last few times haven't ended in tears, so I thought we were safe. Things were going swimmingly (mostly because the store had a purple pair of shoes to her liking), when Hannah suddenly stiffened up as the man bent down to try to put the shoe on her foot. She quickly tucked her legs underneath her and told the man that she is like a baby bunny. He looks up at her, smiles and says, "Yeah, I bet you can hop really far in these new shoes - just like a bunny. Should we try them on?"

And it was like I was back at the breakfast table with a gooey wad of ABC toast staring back at me - I was once again two seconds too late in stopping the train wreck that was about to happen.

With her bottom lip sticking out and tears brimming in her eyes, Hannah blurts out, "I don't want you to put those shoes on me - then my mommy won't take care of me because she'll smell you on my shoes!"

Oh boy ... did that lesson ever come out wrong!

Sisters? Twins? Strangers?

Jeff and I constantly find ourselves in awe at how our two girls can be so alike in some ways, yet not even resemble sisters in others! Since day one, our sweet Hannah seems to carry the weight of the world on her tiny little shoulders. Nothing escapes her, and her heart is as big as they come. If she were to hear of an ant being stepped on in the tri-state area, the news would bring her to tears. Addi, on the other hand, well … there's a good chance she was the one who stepped on the ant in the first place! Not to be mean, of course, she's just constantly in four-wheel drive and wouldn't think to stop and look where she's going!

When Hannah was a mere three days old, she had perfected what is best described as The Death Glare. If someone got too close or made any sort of motion as if to say they were thinking of picking her up, her eyes would narrow and she would have them backed in a corner before they even knew what hit them. Adelaide has a look that is equally as dangerous, but she tends to only target little old men. She can make a grown man trip over himself when she decides to turn on the charm and flash one of her smiles. I fear her first full sentence (complete with a southern belle accent) will be, "Sugar … why don't you just come on over here and wrap yourself around my little finger!"

They are rubbing off on each other, however. When we're watching a movie and a perfectly legit, yet somewhat silly, part comes up, Hannah used to be absolutely horrified at the character's actions. "Ma Ma, that's not safe! (gasp!) Why is he doing that? Doesn't he know he could get hurt?!" Meanwhile, her sister would be belly laughing next to her. While I would have thought some of the storyline would have been lost on our 1-year-old, it's our 3-year-old who misses the majority of the plot as it takes her so long to recover after seeing Diego zoom down a zip line, or a frog taunt an alligator. Now, Hannah still informs us that his actions were not in fact safe, but she's learned to let out a giggle or two as well. And while Adelaide can still make a Grandpa swoon, she's learning Hannah's skill at carefully reading people and limits the number of Grandpas blindly following her to one or two a day!

There are many more examples of how our two girls run the gamut in their personalities, but you would think they were twins by looking at their baby pictures! Can you guess who's on the top and who's on the bottom in each of these pairs? Hannah will paint a picture for everyone who guesses right. She'll probably paint one for you if you guess wrong, too, as that girls does love to paint! Good luck! Even I had to double check a couple of these!

#1

#2

#3

#4

Doctor Hannah

It's been a busy week in the Heuiser-Lynn household as both girls have been sick and we made more than our fair share of visits to the doctor's office.

Before each visit, I would spend an indefinite amount of time explaining to Hannah what the doctor would do to either her or Adelaide (whichever one was the Patient of the Day), and Hannah would watch me so intensely as I would explain what parts of her body the doctor would look at, what tools may be used and what questions she may be asked. I can only hope she'll prepare for her SATs with the same amount of diligence!

So when it was time for the actual doctor visit, Hannah sat stone still as the doctor performed her examination and she promptly and thoroughly answered each question that was asked of her.

"Well, aren't you comely," the doctor said when she had finished.

Hannah shot me a confused sort of look, but I couldn't pull the words together to explain what "comely" meant as I was confused myself. Could this really be the same child who just spent 1.5 hours fighting with me earlier that morning about whether or not she liked cheese? (As you can imagine ... it was mostly an argument with herself, as who am I to say what she likes and doesn't like!) Brick wall ... meet Hannah!

When it was clear that the doctor was getting ready to leave the room, the lack of a climax to the visit was apparent in Hannah's eyes. Clearly the doctor had forgotten something as we were only in the room for a mere 5 minutes! So, Hannah took it upon herself to fill in the blanks, and take up more of that precious doctor/patient time. Just as she was closing the door, Hannah blurted out:

"My mom says when we're sick, we need to drink lots of water because it washes out the insides of our bodies. But we don't drink soapy water - that's yucky and it could make us sick. Germs make us sick, too. We don't like germs so much."

"That's right," chuckles the doctor. "Umm ... drink lots of fluids and you'll be better in no time."

We had a similar anti-climatic end at Adelaide's visit a few days later, and Hannah rushed to remind the "negligent" doctor before he closed the door that he had forgotten to tell Adelaide to sleep a lot so she could get better.

"Oh ... yes, you're right! She does need to sleep a lot. Thank you, Hannah. Adelaide is lucky to have you looking out for her."

Hannah took a long, deep sigh and replied, "Yeah, I know."

As the doctor was closing the door, he must have flipped through the charts and noticed that Hannah had been in recently, too.

"I see that you were a little under the weather as well, Hannah," he says as he pokes his head back in the room. "You should try to get in some extra long naps, too. Goodbye now!"

The door behind him closed just in time as laser beams shot out of Hannah's eyes. But she quickly composed herself, then turned to me and said, "He's a silly doctor! He doesn't even know naps are for babies!"

Our Very Strong Day

I am one of the few who truly love Minnesota winters. But yesterday definitely put that love to the test. After dropping Hannah off at school, I couldn't get our car up our slippery driveway and into the garage. After a few failed attempts, I then couldn't get our car back down our driveway either. So, there our car sat at a lovely 45 degree angle, smack dab in the middle of the driveway. At the very top of the driveway, I sat, busily cursing the car, our heinously-sloped driveway, the ice and snow covering the damn driveway, our lack of a snow blower, and inevitably ... all things related to Minnesota winters.

But once Addi had woken up from her nap and I had finished giving the ski slope a quick shovel, things started looking up. Still, the only way I could figure out how to get the car off the driveway was to push it down. And the only way to push it down (as far as I could tell) was to be in front of the car. This would leave no one to steer or hit the brakes if oncoming traffic or small children came down the street while our car came barreling down the driveway. I didn't like this part of the plan so much.

Nonetheless, our task began. From her perch on top of a snowbank, I was hoping Addi could give me a heads up as to when cars were coming down the road, as she loves to wave and say "hi" to every one as they pass by our house. Surely she wouldn't fail me now!

Well, that didn't really pan out, but she was the best cheerleader anyone could ask for. Each time I grunted and groaned as I shoved, she also let out her best grunts (which are usually saved for taking those pesky caps off markers) and she would clap and squeal every time I slipped and fell flat on my face. I should have sold tickets!

In the end ... the car made its way to the street, and after throwing some pine needles and such down for traction, we are back in business! When I was telling Hannah of our adventures, she was truly amazed. "But Mama, the car is so heavy. How did you do that? You must have eaten lots of good things in order to be so strong! I want to be strong - can I push a car too?"

Hmmm. Eating good things = strong girls. I couldn't have asked for a better moral of the story! And while you all know pushing our car down the driveway wasn't that great of a feat since we have a relatively small car and our driveway would be better suited as an Olympic ski jump, don't tell Hannah! I'm looking forward to argument-free meals so she can grow up big and strong!

The Most PC Letter to Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, the girls were rambunctious, and so was my spouse!

In an effort to take a little breather, I tried to rope in Hannah to write a letter to Santa. I thought it would be a quick request for the pink puppy dog she had been talking about for weeks and then she'd quickly zip back to running laps around our living room. But I ended up dictating the most politically correct letter Santa has probably ever received!

Dear Santa,
I hope you like the cookies - I made the pink candy cane ones! But be careful coming down our chimney - we put lights up so you could see, but try not to trip on them and get all tangled up. And don't eat the carrots, they are for the reindeer. Can you take them up the chimney with you and give them to your reindeer so they won't get hungry? Our roof is so slippery, I didn't want them to fall. And Mom says we can't have reindeer in the house or Penny would get scared. We have toys on the floor by the chimney, too. Don't trip on them!

With a little coaxing from me, she somewhat focused:

I've tried to be a good girl this year. Adelaide has, too ... but sometimes she doesn't know any better. She's still little (she says while doing a little shoulder shrug). All I want for Christmas is a pink puppy dog if you can find it. I drew a picture of it on the front. If not, can I be a fairy? Adelaide just wants kisses from me. Oh, and chocolate!

Thanks, Santa! I hope you have a safe trip back to the North Pole! Remember, don't trip on our lights! It's slippery out there!

Love, Hannah

Musical Discord

Josh Grobin's Christmas CD has finally returned to our listening repertoire these past few days. Each time we listen to it, everything turns positively lovely in our house. Hannah flutters around the living room to Josh's majestic Glorias and Ave Marias. Adelaide climbs up in my lap and snuggles in as he sings "Silent Night," and I even say a few Hallelujahs of my own as our little world becomes a picture of peace.

But ... then Jeff comes home, and the magical trance is instantly shattered. ;)

"UGH! Not that whiny Josh guy again," he moans even before taking his coat off.

It's no secret Jeff doesn't fully appreciate Josh. When I was pregnant with Hannah and felt her kick for the first time while listening to Josh's "Oh, Holy Night," Jeff argued it was only because I was blaring the song too loud and she was simply trying to get away from "all that racket." His disgust for Josh's music is really apparent when we're all in the car together and Hannah asks for her favorite song (which is one of Josh's). Ten seconds into it, and Jeff is all but clawing at the window like a caged animal.

"You can't even understand what he's saying - he's just moaning!"
"Umm ... that would be because this song is in Latin."
(more groaning by Jeff)

Music is an age-old battle in our house. I have always tried to flood the girls with what I think is quality music, and Jeff wants to drown the girls in selections from Tool, Metallica and other jarring selections. One would think that since the girls spend more time with me, their tastes would reflect mine. Yet, I still find myself in sticky situations when Hannah starts reciting Aerosmith lyrics, and Adelaide can shake that tiny little booty of hers to Cowboy Mouth like nobody's business.

Oddly enough, when it comes to real children's music, Jeff has more patience for it than I do. I can take the Wiggles, Justin Roberts and a few others in small doses, but Jeff will turn to musical groups made up of all children and listen to it with the girls for what seems like hours. I last a mere 5 minutes before I remember I needed to start laundry or scrub a toilet.

So where does this leave Hannah and Adelaide in all of this musical mishmash? Well, the girls and I have officially become Closet Josh Lovers. If we're listening to him right before Jeff comes home from work, Hannah will drop whatever she's doing and sprint to the stereo to turn it off at the first sound of the garage door opening. And now that the cold weather doesn't allow us to go outside very much, dancing has become our No. 1 pastime after dinner each night ... and even I have to admit, Aerosmith has one funky beat! And I can't help but like them when they cause the girls to giggle so much!

So if you know of any fun (but still tasteful!) bands out there that we might all be able to agree on, let me know! It looks like it may be another long winter filled with a medley of musical disputes!